Through Darkest Times
A distant thought, yet a constant one has emerged to a young fellow whose life has been nothing but pain. “What if I end it all right now? Will the pain go away?” It sure was relaxing to think about all problems disappearing instantly. He kept thinking about it, not telling anyone. Then, one day, he couldn’t take it anymore. He started planning his death. It seemed right at the moment. Everything was ready- the liquor, the cigarettes, the extremely sharp knife. It was all within reach. He drank one shot, then another one, while his hands were shaking. He held a lit cigarette in his other hand. He knew it would hurt really bad and that’s why he was hesitating about the whole idea. Once he let go of everything he was holding and grabbed the knife, he realized just how terrifying suicide is. The pain, regret, everything a person ever knew will be gone. He will no longer breathe, no longer hear, see, feel anything at all. The worst part is that you won’t know where will you end up once you’re dead. It’s all speculations. And so, while he was pressing the knife against his skin he started to have second thoughts. He knew he should do it before he’ll regret it. Determined on his goal, he screamed so loud and made sure to spill a lot of blood in seconds. His consciousness began to fade as the floor filled up with red. A few moments later, he regained consciousness and saw that he failed. He stood up, although he was very weak, reached to the window, climbed out of it, but then paused. Something told him to forget about his plans. What was it? Why did it appear all of a sudden? Why couldn’t he remember the very thing that made him go on living? Why right now he’s somewhere else entirely? Where is he? All the dark kept distorting every other sight. It soon was pitch black. Everything’s quiet. There’s a peaceful feeling. There’s nothing to worry about, nothing to think about.
“I’m fine… Raquel… It’s alright… It was meant to be…”
Who said it? Probably those words slipped through his mouth. But who was he talking to? Does it even matter? All that matters is that he was at peace and all his troubles faded away, just like he wanted to.
And then… Then, there was a bright light. “Go towards the light,” someone said to him. “Don’t be afraid. Everything will be fine.”
So he went. He went through this light. And found himself somewhere out of reach, somewhere nobody can see or touch him. He could understand everything and everything went according to his plans. What was it again? Why was he there? What will be next? Is there even a point to worry about these things? Is there a point to existence itself? Right from the start you knew this would happen. You knew about all of it and let it happen anyway. Who are you to make these decisions by yourself? Who are you to judge what’s right or wrong? Who are you to even think highly about yourself? Breathe in, breathe out. Open your eyes. Say something. Anything at all. Please.
Now he’s realizing he is indeed somewhere else. Where is this place? He must open his eyes and see for himself. So he opens his eyes. A pain. A severe one. In his chest, in his arms, legs, everywhere else in his body. His heart is beating ten times faster than it should be. He looks and sees a beautiful white haired young woman chanting something familiar in a foreign language that he somehow understands. The woman looks at him and smiles gently. “You will soon leave here.” she says. “You must remember what you must do. Hold this and never let go.” She gives him a small golden souvenir that means the world for both of them. He clings to it although he had lost a feeling in his arms. “I shall never forget.”
Then, as if he traveled through multiple dimensions and times (and perhaps it did happen), he finds himself standing on the edge of a window with an arm bleeding. “I can’t do that. I must live on,” he says. He backs down and sits on the floor, breathing heavily, while looking for a way to stop the bleeding. There it is. He takes it and wraps around the arm. Someone arrived to save him and it was a fate that their paths crossed. Now they are living together, saving the world every single day. They are the god and goddess of the human world who once were humans themselves.